12.14
The Christmas season can be an unpleasant one for atheists. And it’s not (just) because we’re on Santa’s naughty list or that a stocking brimful with coal awaits us. Christmas, with all its secular excesses, is still observed as a religious occasion by many people. Our atheism, then, becomes more conspicuous and less tolerated. The reason for the season is used as a reason to give atheists grief.
Every night on Fox news, O’ Reilly and ilk bemoan the supposed “War on Christmas.” They claim that Christmas is under threat from secularists, atheists, and our politically-correct sympathizers. A video montage few your viewing pleasure:
The American Humanist Association recently launched a Christmas campaign, with billboards and bus ads that read, “”Why believe in a god? Just be good for goodness’ sake” and “No God? No problem!” Rather innocuous stuff, really. Hardly befitting of a “War on Christmas.” Yet predictably, Bill O’ Reilly feigned righteous indignation over the ads, and retorted in an article last week that atheists are just jealous they don’t have their own Christmas. He wrote, in part:
[A]theists are jealous of the Yuletide season. While Christians have Jesus and Jews have the prophets, nonbelievers have Bill Maher. There are no Christmas carols for atheists, no pagan displays of largesse like Santa Claus. In fact, for the nonbeliever, Christmas is just a day off, a time to consider that Mardi Gras is fewer than two months away.
…Christmas is a joyous time for children, the big upside of celebrating the birth of Jesus. Why, then, do people who want to “be good” spend money denigrating a beautiful day? Could it be that the humanists are not really interested in good at all?
That atheists are harassed during the holidays by Fox News is not surprising. What concerns most young atheists is how their families will receive them. Many of my friends already have strained relations with their family over religious disagreements, and these disagreements are magnified at Christmas time. If things go well, there may just be an unspoken tension at the dinner table. If things go poorly, you may find yourself in this kid’s sorry situation…
I’ve had the “If you don’t believe in Jesus, why should we give you presents?” card pulled on me before. I’m sure many of you have as well. But luckily, things with my family aren’t that bad. In fact, I usually get along famously with my parents. There is one negative Christmas episode I’d like to share, however.
Last Christmas Eve, I downloaded a torrent of Bill Maher’s “Religulous.” I had been waiting for a copy for months, and it just so happened to be released online a few days before Christmas. When my mom found out what I was download (via my little brother), she was irate. She didn’t appreciate that I was planning to watch an “anti-religion” film the night before her most cherished holiday. I honestly didn’t think much of that fact that it was Christmas Eve, but my mom took my downloading “Religulous” as a sign that I don’t respect her faith. She then went off on this emotional tirade in which she told me that she hated having me home, because I as a bisexual atheist constantly remind her of how she failed as a parent. You can imagine how shitty Christmas morning was for me that year.
My mom and I often say things we regret, so I don’t hold that statement against her. She has also since apologized for it. But thinking about the incident makes me want to spare others a similar experience. Nobody wants to dread what should be a joyous time with friends and family.
So I want to this post to serve as a forum in which we share both our positive and negative Christmas stories as atheists in the hopes that we can learn from each others’ experiences. If your parents make your atheism an issue, how should you respond? Should we wait for our parents to make it an issue, or should we initiate a religious discussion ourselves? And for those who have yet to come out of the proverbial closet as atheists to their family, is the holiday season an appropriate time to do so?
Your thoughts are appreciated.
Kleiner, it’s not letting me reply directly to your comment, so it’s over here instead:
While my mother’s social group is highly populated with those belonging to the LDS faith, I know my father encounters many non-LDS people. He’s a physician with a very large practice and encounters people from many religions, socio-economic, ethnic and cultural backgrounds. While he hasn’t been as active in confronting me as my mother has, the two times he has it has been exceptionally angry and even hateful. I’m under the impression that my parents believe that nice people can exist -despite- not being LDS – as though it is the exception to the rule instead of a perfectly acceptable norm. Actions viewed as sin (such as shopping on Sunday, responsible alcohol consumption, or the consumption of coffee) are met with a large measure of vocal and emotional disgust. Again, these are the attitudes I’ve seen displayed when I’ve been around them in private – whether they do it as an expected reaction or sincere revulsion is unknown. They have just not displayed much tolerance for those with different standards than themselves.
As far as them thinking it is just a phase, I understand the why – whether it is the commonality of a drop in religiosity during people around my age or a deep-seated belief that god will “soften” me up. I just don’t appreciate the implication that as long as my beliefs are different (for the record, this applied when I still believed in basic tenets of Christianity, such as Christ’s divinity and atonement for the sins of mankind, just not the LDS faith) they are solely out of rebellion, childish and not to be respected as a personal belief.
Kleiner for some reason I think young you and I would have gotten along pretty well.
My dad also threatened my tuition over my communism, in fact Ive been catching more shit from my family for my communism than for my atheism.
Tell your parents you’re the cute kind of communist that just wants everybody to share.
Hello everyone, first and foremost my 8 year cousin could make O’ Reilly look silly. That was funny. I am a Mormon, but my dad is an atheist, so I am very familiar with all the atheist arguments. In spite of our differences, we still have a good holiday season. I think an atheist during the holiday season should try to find the real meaning of Christmas, which is service to others in following the example of Jesus Christ. I believe that most atheists are not against serving other people, and there are a lot on this blog who do care for the less fortunate in our society. Regardless if you do or don’t believe in the divinity of Christ, you can at least be sympathetic with the humanitarian aspect of Christmas. If I were an atheist I would try to seek for those common grounds that you have with your parents and other Christians. I know that is easier said than done, but hopefully you can remind your parents of the Christ like love one is supposed to have during the holiday season. I strive to have his love year round, and I believe his love is universal. I think people who are Christians and also those who are Atheists should exercise humility. With a humble heart and love for mankind a lot of arguments can be avoided and the holiday’s can be happy for both types of people. I have come to realize personally that I do not have answers to every thing although I strive for more knowledge and people who are atheists do the same. My dad is a great man and I love to be in his company, and he feels the same about me, we both have a desire to love one another and that is what matters, and this holiday is a great way to express that. Anyways those are my two cents, you can take it or leave it, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
great article, keep it up!
My mother is Muslim, and she still celebrates Christmas to show respect for the Christian faith. In Islam, we have a ten day holiday (started last Monday) called Aashoura, which basically is the new year for the Islamic calendar and remembrance for a period of time when one man, named Hussein, died for the the Muslim faith. In those ten days, many people will wear black and recite stories about the death of Hussein, some even go to the extent of making themselves bleed to suffer the way he did (this display of radical Islam is in fact illegal, but many people still to do it).
My point is, my Muslim mother, and many Muslims like her, celebrate Aashoura, and still celebrate Christmas out of respect, since Lebanon serves as a country for many religious faiths. So why not atheists? I came out to my mother as an atheist, and I brought my partner home for the holidays too; the same respect to shown any other faith is shown to my non-faith and my decision in brining my male partner home.
One other questions that comes up is why should atheists claim their belief, or non-belief, to other believers. What is the point? Why should impose our ideas on those who refuse to change or consider learning a different viewpoint. I would not say go so far as lying about your faith, but just keep it to yourself, and that way you save grief for you and your families. I suppose I just dont understand the wanting to spread your view as an atheist, when we really should be content with our on beliefs and leave it at that.
“I suppose I just dont understand the wanting to spread your view as an atheist, when we really should be content with our on beliefs and leave it at that.”
Again, by way of clarification, I never advocated coming out as an atheist to your parents during the holidays. But more generally, why would atheists want to share their atheism?
First, the truth is a precious thing and it ought to be shared with those you love. Second, the way you respect others is to hold them to the same intellectual and moral standards to which you hold yourself. To do otherwise is to be indifferent toward people. If atheism is good enough for you, it should be good enough for others. Lastly, beliefs matters. They inform our actions. And insofar as one thinks religious beliefs can be harmful, one should work to disabuse people of such beliefs.