Wow, word travels fast on the internet. Literally moments after I jokingly threatened legal action against the Mormon church for ignoring my requests, I got a call from my bishop. I didn’t answer the phone, since I am terrified of them, but I listened to his voicemail. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy, and I feel bad that he has to get involved. He shouldn’t have to deal with this. I think I will go ahead and write to the church offices again, and tell them to leave this poor guy out of it. You see, Mormons are just like anybody else; there are a few jerks and nutjobs among them, but most of them are nice people. It’s the church itself I have a problem with. It’s the doctrine of fear and control that makes me angry. It is a shame that I have to hurt good people in order to leave a horrible religion. 
It’s ironic that you need to ask permission from a church to leave the church! How feudal can you get, vassal?!
Anyone can leave just by not attending. But to be removed officially from the rolls, and thus deprive the church of bragging rights – our numbers are skeenteen hundred and 43 million, oops skeenteen hundred and 42 million, I mean skeenteen hundred and 41 million therefore we must be right – you must go through the procedure. I know Catholics and others who have the same concern. Many protestant churches have a procedure know as erasure where if you don’t attend or contribute for a specified time they remove you from the rolls.
Call the mor[m]on church main office. Tell the phone attendant that you want your name removed from all records of the mor[m]on church and all of its affiliates. You will then be transferred to some other person. Repeat the demand that your name be removed from all records. When they tell you to contact “your” bishop, tell them that you don’t have a bishop and don’t know or want to get to know any. Tell them that Joe Smith was a fraud and can be proven from government records that he had a habit of disrespecting authority and the law. Tell them that you are aware of the history of the Mountain Meadows Massacre in which children and women and men were murdered at the request of the mormon god-idea’s phrophet (Blood of the Prophets – Will Bagley). Tell them that you find the mormon religion to be disgusting and dangerous and should only be allowed to be practiced by consenting adults if at all. Well, ok, tell them whatever you want but the idea is to insure that they know you are serious and that you have good reason to be disgusted with the foundation of their church and its continued practice. Don’t get mad (they might) but be firm. They may still require a letter but you should be able to deal with it through their membership department. In the letter state that you want your name removed from all records of the Church of Jebus Crackers of laughter days Saints (spelled correctly) including the records of all affiliates. Give one or two short reasons probably including that Joe Smith was not a prophet but a fraud and that the mor[m]on church is a hoax. Be firm but wise with the comments in your letter as you won’t have control over who reads it in the future. Keep the letter short nothing emotional (non-obvious hidden jokes are optional).
If the phone call doesn’t net a favorable solution, write the letter (maybe even before you call) and take it to the membership department at the holey office building next time you are in Salt Lake. Include in the letter enough personal information to insure that they can ascertain who you are. Think about having the letter notarized and keep a copy for your records. If the membership department still won’t agree to do it (Don’t give them the letter unless they agree to your demands) then you could have an attorney send the letter to them (should be inexpensive). If they still won’t do it, file a lawsuit.
When I did it, the head of the membership department told me he would do it if I brought the letter in. (If you go there in person ask if the church policy is the same for deception as it is for lying – I left LOL!)
By all means though, have fun with it and insure that you are controlling the events, its your life, they don’t have a right to your membership. Remember have fun! They won’t like it but you will.