SHAFT gets satirized

Among highest forms of flattery is satire. If you’re a worthy target of satire, it means you’ve ‘made it’.

In the fall of 2008, SHAFT became an active student organization. When The Truant, Cache Valley’s spin-off of The Onion, got wind of our group, they wrote this article:

New USU student group to call itself SHAFT

December 30, 2008

By Claire Chennault, Head Editor in Charge

TSC – A new student group at USU has determined, without a single trace of irony, to call itself SHAFT, standing for Secular Humanists And Free Thinkers. The new, unironic, group has dedicated itself to being smart and not believing in god, and to inspiring hilarious cock-related jokes campus-wide.

“Other student groups believe in god, which is stupid,” said Bill Washington, founder of SHAFT. “Also, we wanted our name to be an acronym capable of inspiring locker-room humor and dick jokes.”

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The 2010 Church Handbook of Instructions on homosexuality

Many thanks to Project Mayhem for bringing these changes from the 2006 Church Handbook of Instructions to the 2010 version to my attention (deletions in strikeout, additions in italics):

Homosexual behavior violates the commandments of God, is contrary to the purposes of human sexuality, distorts loving relationships, and deprives people of the blessings that can be found in family life and in the saving ordinances of the gospel. Those who persist in such behavior or who influence others to do so are subject to Church discipline. Homosexual behavior can be forgiven through sincere repentance.

If members have homosexual thoughts or feelings or engage in homosexual behavior, Church leaders should help them have a clear understanding of faith in Jesus Christ, the process of repentance, and the purpose of life on earth. Leaders also should help them accept responsibility for their thoughts and actions and apply gospel principles in their lives.

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My bishop: “Masturbation leads to homosexuality”

I want to share with you one of the most formative moments of my adolescent life, recorded in the MSN Instant Messenger conversation below. But first, some context.

Seven years ago, when this IM conversation took place, I was an intensely religious (and guilt-ridden ) Mormon boy struggling to overcome masturbation and homosexual ‘feelings’. A friend of mine also had a ‘problem’ with masturbation (like virtually all boys), so he and I entered into a pact to help each other. Inspired by the Seinfeld episode “The Contest”, we competed for who could abstain the longest.

In the spring of 2003, my friend and I scheduled bishop interviews to obtain our patriarchal blessings. We hoped it’d be the spiritual boost we needed to keep the Law of Chastity. His bishop found him worthy for a patriarchal blessing, and mine found me unworthy. The difference: I confessed my sins and my friend did not. (I cannot blame a 14-year-old boy for not wanting to divulge deeply personal things to an adult outside his family. Still, it’s frustrating that the church rewards people for lying, and punishes those who are honest and repentant. So much for a bishop’s ‘gift of discernment’.)

Shortly after I got home from the bishop’s office, I got online to tell my friend about the interview. I relayed to him my bishop’s message that masturbation is a grievous sin and a significant cause of homosexuality. Here is part of that conversation:

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Link bomb #10

The other day at work, I was again reminded of the need for skepticism. Breaking a taboo, I discussed politics with a few coworkers. Two coworkers told me that Obama was doing many of the things that Hitler did, and that the end times are fast-approaching. One hinted that Obama’s actions are precipitating the Second Coming, and the other believed that the world would end in 2012, as per the Mayan Calendar. I knew these beliefs were out there, of course. It’s just unsettling to hear them casually espoused by otherwise intelligent people.

The 2010 UN Human Development report found that world has made significant, albeit uneven, progress in income, education and health over the past 40 years. So enough with the apocalyptic doomsaying, please. The study also ranked Norway the best place to live for the 8th consecutive year.

Pure Mormonism reviews Daymon Smith’s The Book of Mammon, agreeing with its thesis that corporatism has overtaken the LDS Church.

Richard Dawkins demonstrates why the giraffe is evidence of stupid design.

The Secular Student Association reports that atheist groups on college campuses are on the rise. The SSA had 225 affiliate groups (of which SHAFT is one) this year, compared to 159 last year—a 42% increase.

The most popular baby boy name in the UK is now Mohammed.

Oxford’s Lisa Furberg argues that Bertrand Russell’s teapot and the Flying Spaghetti Monster aren’t really analogous to god. I agree that not all gods are as absurd as the FSM (like those of the more deistic variety), but some are.

A Salt Lake Tribune poll found that a plurality of Utahns and a majority of Utah Mormons believe that homosexual orientations can be changed. This is precisely why I thought Packer’s conference talk was harmful. Even if he didn’t mean to suggest that homosexuality is choice, that is nonetheless how many members interpreted his remarks.

Here is an epic taxonomy of logical fallacies.

Can atheism (theoretically) be proven wrong? Several prominent atheist bloggers weigh in on the question. I side with Greta Christina and Jerry Coyne, and against PZ Myers and Steve Zara. Andrew S. of Irresistible Disgrace has a nice write-up of the debate.

A survey released by the First Amendment Center highlights Americans’ conflicted views about the separation of church and state. Fifty-three percent believe that the U.S. Constitution established a Christian nation, while 66% say the document requires a clear separation of church of state.

Ten strange things about the universe.

According to a recent Gallup poll, religious Americans are happier than non-religious ones. I don’t doubt this (“a drunken man is happier than a sober one”), but don’t read too much into this and similar findings.

A Central Michigan University professor invites the homophobic Westboro Baptist Church to speak in his class as an illustration of our First Amendment protections.

I have often bemoaned the fact that women are sorely underrepresented among atheists, but Jen “Blag Hag” McCreight has compiled an impressively long list of female atheists.

Sisters in Zion

I’m a feminist. Not a bra-burning, perpetually angry feminist, just the garden-variety “equal pay for equal work, nobody grope anybody else in the workplace” kind of feminist. You know, the lazy kind.

Still, a feminist, is a feminist, is a feminist, which is why even I’m not sure how it took me so long to get flustered at the LDS church over its doctrines concerning women. I suppose I was fairly placated and passive until I started learning more about Brigham Young, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

I remember sitting in a primary class and asking why women didn’t have the priesthood. I received the very enthusiastic response “Because they don’t need it!” This idea was based around the belief of a woman’s divine status being obtained through bearing and rearing children. Here is the idea most of us were raised with (in one form or another) in the LDS Church:

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. – “The Family: A Proclamation to the World”

This is a warm fuzzy replacement for a doctrine from Brigham Young that isn’t quoted in the 2010 lesson manuals:

“True there is a curse upon the woman that is not upon the man, namely, that ‘her whole affections shall be towards her husband,’ and what is the next? ‘He shall rule over you.” – Journal of Discourses, Vol. 4, Sept 21, 1856

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Gordon B. Hinckley and the downplaying of Mormon peculiarity

I can’t get enough of these Mormon ‘Fakebook’ status updates.

As always, I’ll explain the picture if you’re not in on the joke.

In a 1997 Time Magazine interview, President Hinckley seemed to dismiss one of the most distinctly Mormon beliefs—that god was once a man as we are now.

Question: Is this the teaching of the church today, that God the Father was once a man like we are?

Hinckley: I don’t know that we teach it. I don’t know that we emphasize it. I haven’t heard it discussed for a long time in public discourse. I don’t know. …

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