This post was written by my friend and recent USU alumnus Di. It was originally published at her blog and is shared here with her permission.

At the risk of coming across as a raving anti-Mormon to people who don’t know me well, I offer the following story to those dealing with non and former Mormons.

Matt and I had a couple of people who I assume were from Relief Society (Mormon women’s organization) drop by the other day to welcome us to the neighborhood. It was very nice of them to introduce themselves and ask about us. But as soon as those brief niceties were over, they then asked if we were members and we said no. Which was followed by asking if we had been baptized, to which we said yes. They proceeded to tell us where the church was and what time services are. Then they pointed out all our member neighbors, while seemingly not knowing or not caring about any of the non churchgoing neighbors.

I get that there is a lot of emphasis put on missionary work and fellowshipping (being friendly to with a missionary slant) non and inactive members. But this whole visit was really frustrating to me, because I felt like it went from a really nice “welcome to the area” visit to a “missionary/we don’t care about you if you don’t come to church” visit in 30 seconds.

We were nice to them, but when they asked about religion, our answer was unambiguous. There are few things more frustrating to me than saying “I don’t go to church” and getting the “Well just in case you decide to undo your difficult and emotionally painful, traumatizing journey to that place, we meet at 9!”* in response. It feels dismissive and inconsiderate. Do I reply, “Your religious choices make little sense and are frequently contradictory. Wanna sleep in and keep that 10 percent of your income, leave behind your deeply held convictions, because that shouldn’t be too hard, right?” No! I do not. Because it is rude and does not take into consideration what may be a very nuanced view of religion, and it’s disrespectful of whatever experiences they’ve had that led them to that choice.

And do they not know or just not care to know their non-Mormon neighbors? It frankly felt anti-welcoming by the end, because it was clear that they don’t associate with neighbors that don’t go to church.

It would have been far more effective missionary work if they’d just been nice, introduced themselves, pointed out their houses and told us to come to them with any questions or what not. And if they’d brought baked goods. Cookies or bread never hurt your cause.

*No. People do not literally say that. But it’s how it comes across.