This morning I ran across a column from the Trib called “Life in Mormon ads not consistent with reality.” The comments on the piece seem to split between agreeing with the writer and saying that she clearly has not gotten out of Utah or gotten to know her fellow church members very well.
The thing, I think, is that both camps are right. Not only are church members typically a little more diverse outside of the Book of Mormon belt, but I personally know a hugely varied range of people who are LDS church members. Not only do they have many different takes on their own religion, but their hobbies, careers, looks, race and everything else run the gamut.
BUT.
I also think the sort of people I attract as friends are semi-atypical of Mormons. While the people within the church may have individual lives, the capital-C Church has worked very hard for the last 40 years to create uniformity. The Mormons may have started out as a rag-tag bunch of trailblazers, but the implementation of correlation created personal conformity in addition to doctrinal conformity. From the top down a very conservative personal dress and lifestyle is encouraged. Many members feel pressure from leaders and doctrine to look and act a certain way, and (particularly in my area) any deviation from that is met with judgment from friends, neighbors and fellow congregants. Watch an R-rated movie? Expect a few whispers. Grow a beard? Better hope you don’t get called into the bishopric. Feel like you, as a woman, should work outside the home? God give you strength to deal with people telling you how you are hurting your family.* So members stay in line to stay in good standing with the church and because it is culturally reinforced.
I think this video kind of says it all. The church is trying to attract ever more diverse populations with a uniform, conservative message. But most church members I know deviate from that norm, at least somewhat. (Hell, my best friend is planning on getting dreads this summer!) So where is the truth on this issue? Does the new ad campaign reflect the reality of LDS membership, even if it doesn’t reflect the reality of correlation? Do I just know unusual Mormons? Or is the whole issue just shades of gray? Thoughts?
*Many of these are becoming more accepted and recent talks from church leadership have softened pronouncements on such issues as birth control, working moms and other divisive issues, but there are still a lot of traditional expectations for members.
My husband’s family is from Wisconsin. His mom is in Wisconsin, his dad lives in Minnesota, he has one older brother living in Utah with his wife, and one brother on a mission in California. Anyway, they’re Mormons from outside of Utah.
My husband, the now ex-mo, is the only boy (of 7) who wears a beard. And they do their best to make sure the boys have short hair. They always wear white shirts with black ties to church (for our wedding, I bought colored shirts and ties for the younger boys, because I knew they didn’t own any). Their mom always wears a skirt to church. However, both of their parents are licensed chiropractors, their stepmother also works, and his brother’s wife (the one from Utah) works as a speech therapist, even with a 1 year old son. Maybe it’s just because both of his parents are converts and were raised by working moms, but I’ve never seen any implication that they think wives/mothers shouldn’t work.
Still, with the dress and appearance, I definitely see some conservative conformity in the family.
all of this is so funny. the mormon church is full of contradictions. and weren’t we “mormons” told not to say “mormon” and that we are members of the church of jesus christ of latter day saints?? there are so many contradictions my head hurts when i sit through just a sacrament meeting. i can’t stand sunday school and relief society with a big headache pounding. the last sacrament meeting i went to , a counselor in the stake presidency told how he gave his son a blessing and afterwards told his wife he didn’t know if the blessing came from him or heavenly father. now, i ask you, i ask anyone that will tell me, if he doesn’t know where it came from, how are we as members supposed to believe any of their counsel. and the guy stood there and told us this story. and he wants us to follow? then the stake president got up and told a story about a college basketball team, boring everyone for at least 20 minutes and the point of the story was to encourage us to make goals and write those goals down. in my later complaining to the wife of a former stake president’s counselor, she said it was a parable!!! PLEASE~ now according to my understanding of what a parable is, it’s to make a point about something moral, not about positive thinking. i am so lost in the church that i have pumped decades of my life into and now i can’t even stand the place. i try but everytime i go i end up more confused and angry than ever.
I think the LDS hierarchy have finally come to a realization that many of their present members will wind up inactive or on the fringe of membership (the dreaded “Jack Mormons”), so why not encourage growth from the bikers, the surfers, and the more conservative hipsters?
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